Apr 9, 2008
Why emigrating (to New Zealand) is a bit like dying
This is a post I published on my personal blog about two weeks before we left South Africa for New Zealand.
We left our friends, family, and home behind to “blaze a new trail” in New Zealand, and I reflect on the process of “leaving and grieving”:
In 17 days, we fly from South Africa to our new home in Napier, New Zealand.
As we’ve been going through the process of packing up, closing up, and saying goodbye, I’ve been reflecting that emigrating is a bit like how I’ve always imagined dying would be…
We can’t take our possessions with us, so we give them away to loved ones
We’ve elected not to ship our remaining possessions (those which escaped the fire in March ‘07) across the world, but rather to give the majority of our “stuff” away. We’re traveling with just what we can fit in our suitcases.
Like dying, there’s a whole bunch of “stuff” which we simply can’t take with us, so we’ve been able to give it away to friends and family – appliances, utensils, equipment, etc. We hope that when use this “stuff”, they’ll think of us and remember us.
We’re not in the same “physical space” anymore
I said goodbye to one of my clients yesterday, and my parting words were “see you on the Internet”. Like dying (in a creepy, horror movie sort of way), he’s no longer able to see me or interact with me, but when he types “hello?” into that little Skype window, my “g’day mate” will come back at him, out of the ether.
Loved ones are more traumatized than we are
Even though our friends and family are only losing one or two of the people they love (and just “physically” losing, see above), they’re generally far more traumatized than we are about going, even though in the same sense, we’re losing all the people we love. Maybe it’s because we have each other. Maybe it’s because this is our initiative.
Maybe it’s because we have something new and incredibly exciting to look forward to, whereas they’re just losing our immediate presence from their day-to-day lives. Nothing new and exciting distracts them from that.
We’ll meet again, one day
We’ve already committed to coming back to South Africa in a year’s time, for the December 2008 Christmas holiday (edit: Unfortunately, this may be delayed for a few years, since we’ve stepped into the hugely expensive New Zealand housing market).
So when we say goodbye, we generally say “see you in a year’s time”. It makes parting easier, knowing that you’re not going to be apart forever, but that at some point in time, you’ll see each other again.
As a Christian, I know that one day I’ll see my family and loved ones in Heaven, and I bet that makes it easier both to say a final (earthly) goodbye, and to let each other go, temporarily.
Summary
So, in summary, this is how I imagine it’ll be when I die:
- I’ll give all my stuff away to people I love, hoping they’ll remember “Grampa Dave” (I’m not planning on it happening anytime soon, after all)
- Those close to me will know it’s not the “end” of me, that I’ve just gone somewhere they can’t see (or even Skype) me
- I’ll be prepared, having accepted that it’s “time to go”, and will make a point of saying goodbye properly. I’ll comfort and reassure grieving loved ones before I go.
- I’ll finally go to rest assured that I’ll meet them all again in Heaven.
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5 Comments
You just have to convince everyone to emigrate to Heaven^H^H^H^H^H^H New Zealand :)
Chris’s last blog post..Fun times on Saturday
I have seen pictures of New Zealand. It is a beautiful country. Look at this move as an adventure…a magnificent adventure.
Marsha’s last blog post..Cooking with Morgan, How to make doughnut holes
I remember commenting to a friend that it felt kind of like attending my own funeral during our going away parties (it felt a lot less morbid than it sounds). Thanks for explaining this feeling better than I could …
I wonder how a move of that size would have felt before there was the Internet or Skype – now that would feel like dying!
What an excellent blog, I have recently emigrated to New Zeland from the UK and it is the best decision I have ever made. The most common problem I have found with people wanting to emigrate is the lack of research they are prepared to do. Research is everything as the glossy brochures and websites only tell you half of the story, so read, read and then read some more, before making your decision. It has to be right first time as this is probably one of the most important decisions people will make in their lifetime.